Today's Lesson

Guilt. Five letters. Implies regret for an action(s), intended or unintended.

I’m carrying around bucket-loads of it at the moment. Which could seem out of place given that I’m not exactly living the high life, or taking it easy on the work front, or earning money, or doing a whole host of other things that normally induce feelings of guilt in me (eating the whole pad thai myself/ordering a second bottle of wine, then a cocktail, on a school night/driving instead of walking/paying $100 for a pair of shoes/choosing the magazine insert over the actual paper…)

But I feel guilty nonetheless. I feel guilty when I walk past beggars, guilty when I spend AUD$10 on a meal, guilty when I want to go home alone and have a glass of wine rather than ‘gossip’ with my non-drinking colleagues, guilty that I live in a lovely apartment, guilty that I splurge on olives and flavoured soy milk and diet coke, guilty that I’m not working harder or longer or faster or better. Guilty that I’m not reading more, learning more, writing more, engaging more with the world.

If I was to pick what I feel most guilty about, though, it would be that I have been born into a culture which affords me the choices and possibilities, (as both a person and a woman) which have led to this opportunity to work overseas with the support of my government in an area I feel ever more passionate about. And for that I am very, very grateful.

If you’re looking for me this evening, here’s what I’ll be up to:

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